Town Crier

Country people,

You are all sitting quiet like this. Where is your first lady? Are you not tired of losing first and even second ladies? I mean Mme Jeanne Irene Popoul and Anne Musonge? My interest in this session of towncrying is Madame Chantoux who was absent at Memve’ele. Even Yang was absent. But Chantal’s absence was more pronounced. As conspicuous as her absence from the May 20 Avenue and at Unity Palace. Yang might have kept away because he knows his days are numbered as he clocks 3 at the Star Building June 30. other ministers were absent from Memve’ele because of the bad road in which their PRADOs got stuck in the mud. But where is Madame Chantoux? Some wicked whispers say she is in bad shape after falling from a horse; others that she has fallen out of favour with Popoul. So which is which? Chantal’s absence may however not be giving Popoul as many sleepless nights as the issue of his succession. Moves likes those of Jean Michel Nitcheu who wants Popoul’s immunity lifted have surely scared the living daylights out of the Lion-man. The pictures of Ben Ali, Hosni Mubarack chased from power and Gaddafi killed all for clinging unto power. Popoul tried to solve the problem of prosecution after power by teleguiding parliament to enact a law which exonerates him from crimes committed during his reign. C used its overwhelming parliamentary majority to enable the law sail through. Blaise Campaore of Burkina Faso last week granted himself immunity. But there is no guarantee that the law put in place will be respected by the next regime. To avoid any embarrassment, Popoul has resolved to handpick a successor who will continue to protect him. Jeune Afrique tells us such a stooge is Emmanuel Sadi. But Popoul turned against his benefactor, Amadou Ahidjo. What is the guarantee that Rene Sadi will remain grateful or protective of him? Popoul’s only option is no life after power. Meaning that he should be life president. The headache caused Popoul by Marafa is even more preoccupying. The only way out is a cabinet reshuffling not only replacing all Marafa’s men but also appointing a Nordist with Marafa’s charisma. Oumarou Fadhil, billionaire mayor of Douala III is the most likely. Popoul has already begun reorganizing the ministries of secondary and Basic Eduation.

Meanwhile the anti-graft war has taken a new twist. Instead of Epervier picking suspects, and letting them pass through the law courts to Kondengui and New Bell, it is the supreme state audit. I prefer their approach which is to first make the embezzlers pay back money siphoned. I pity Mukala Jean Jacques Ndoudoumu. I hear his Ngengeru skin has already developed dark spots following the order that he pays back 63 million FCFA siphoned. His colour would be conspicuous if finally ferried to Kondengui. Jean Tabi Manga of Soa has one thing to regret. His ministerial dream will no longer be realized. After Lifanda in Limbe the cursor for the culpable ex-government delegates will move to Nnoko Mbele and then Tadzong Abel Ndeh. Abakar Ahamat did and said many wrong things while at Abakwa. But he also said one right thing - that even on retirement people’s deeds while in office will haunt them. Poor Humphrey Ekema Monono. He is the one answering for the crimes of Mbong Johannes and now Peter Abety. Popoul wonder dribbler. He has not only changed strategy in the anti-graft war. He succeeded to give a semblance of true democracy in parliament when his men at the hemi-circle allowed opposition member bills to be tabled. One by Mbah Ndam called for the creation of a commission of enquiry to probe into the affair lf Le Nyong which crashed in 1995 and which Marafa mentions in his 4^th letter. Also Nintcheu’s for the lifting of Popoul’s immunity. Jokes, both of them. That of the commission was voted out by 93-11 votes. Popoul is so confident Marafa was not even mentioned at Memve’ele as the elite chanted support for him. Can we say this is the end of the Marafa cacophony? Obviously so as the 5^th letter has not seen the light of day. Tchiroma said Marafa has a 500-page document. Only 4 letters released, yet so much panic within the ranks of the regime. With the Marafa affair virtually at an end,  the press has no option than turn to human interest stories. In Anglophone Cameroon the PCC tops the list of news making denominations. For instance, after the Rev. Kenji’s and Theodosia McMoli’s deaths, here comes the dismissal or suspension of popular PCC pastors. Pastor Wara is the most talked about because of his healing and deliverance session. Many wonder why Pastor Wara the only one of those who were ordered back from South Africa has been sanctioned, while those who remained have not been touched. Luckily Pastor Wara is still young. He still has a pretty long time to live following the Biblical prescription of 70 years. Our Fai Yengo is still relatively young, being only 57. Popoul decided that he should beat a tactful retreat, but I am sure he will be bouncing back in another capacity. I really envy the former littoral comfortably at his Foncha Street residence zooming once in a while to his native Oku, coming and generally enjoying himself on retirement unlike people to whom retirement is punishment. He is retired but certainly far from tired. What about generals who are above 70 and Popoul at 80? Fai would have still been very useful if he continued like Abakar and Njaga Jules Marcellin. Look at the Benskin saga in Ngolla city. He would have resolved the problem tactfully. Ngolla city was hot last week. Okada riders were rdered to produce documents and even restricted from areas like Bonanjo, Akwa and Bonapriso where then should they work? There are 100.000 bikes in Douala. A majority being jobless now means several thousands of people resorting to crime and consequently, increasing insecurity in Ngolla city and the rest of the country. This means also the increased chances of us being murdered in our bedrooms and in the streets at dead of night. Quick recovery for our brother Henry Njalla Quan, erstwhile manager of CDC, the second largest employer in Cameroon. Njalla Quan who suffered a stroke was killed by rumour. Njalla Quan was replaced by Franklin Njie as interim GM. Njalla Quan was partly his own undoing. How could be asking people he met there to produce their certificates? Talking about certificates, I almost laughed out my lungs last week during the convocation ceremony of the International University. Police stormed the event and many took to their heels, including the almighty Fon Sehm Mbinglo III of Nso. Chief Efah from the South, a Beti chief who once crowned Popoul Nyomghi, ran 990. One of us had to be conferred a PhD to add to the myriads who now go around as doctors and professors. The list is impressive: Fidelis Balick Awah, Ngobs, Daniel Fozong etc. Ntoh Daniel is even a professor. Late Pa Guarantee was doctor of business administration, conferred by the same university.

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with that. What do you say about herbalists who are called doctor whereas they have never attended any medical school? Yet, they cure people. Look at all those doctors streaming in from Yankeeland and Europe. Nobody knows who conferred PhDs on them, yet, we give them respect. My quarrel with Professor Fusi’s institution is that 150.000 FCFA is coughed out before a doctorate degree is awarded. So instead of going to sit in the classroom for five years, will just look for 150.000 FCFA and I will become ‘Dr. Town Crier’. I can understand why eminent persons like Ntumfor Nico Halle have turned out several offers of ‘Doctor’ and other distinctions picked from the gutter. To pick academic distinctions from the gutter is moral depravity. Moral depravity is not only prevalent in Africa. Oyiboland is replete with it. You must have heard what happened at the French parliamentary election. Valery Trievaller, President Francois Hollande’s girlfriend created confusion ahead of the second round of parliamentary election. Many French presidents and aspiring have often had problems with the private lives. Nicholas Sarkozy divorced his wife Cecilia just when elected president and later took an actress, Carla Burni, as wife. Dominique Strauss Kahn, tipped to become French president was trapped in a sex scandal in New York, lost the opportunity to Francois Hollande who is today president without a wife. He long divorced Segolene Royal with whom he had four children. Last week Valery Trierveiller sent a twiller message giving her support to Oliver Faloni, the man running against Segolene Royal in the same constituency. The result of it was an international scandal as it became a subject of controversial debate in France and beyond. Le Parisien newspaper styled it jealousy. Although not officially married to Francois Hollande, she is the First Lady in the practical sense of the world and many think she should behave herself.

Country people, one thing I don’t like about Oyibos is their hypocrisy. When it was the case of Libya they spoke like one voice because Gaddafi was a Pan Africanist. They unanimously stood against Laurent Gbagbo. All because their interest and ideologies were threatened. But see what is happening in Syria. France is the lone voice asking for a no-fly zone over Syria as was the case of Libya. China, Russia, Britian and even the Yankees are indifferent even after Amnesty International had condemned Syria’s president Assad for war crimes and crimes against humanity. I admire the British for one thing: they reward merit. That is why Burmese opposition leader and pro-democracy activist  won the noble peace prize although at the time she could not collect it because she was in Prison like Lapiro who won a similar international distinction while serving a three-year jail term at New Bell. San Sunchi who stepped foot in Europe for the first time marked her 67^th birthday in London and was later received by French president, Francois Hollande. She returns July 4, to take up her seat in parliament.

Bravo, Blaise Campaore. Not for giving yourself and past Burkinabe presidents immunity, but preparing to leave power after 25 years. I vote for you to win the MO Ibrahim good governance award, although you killed your best friend, Thomas Sankara in a military coup. The fear of what happened to Mubarack, Ben Ali and Gaddafi is the beginning of wisdom. This is a lesson for Popoul and other sit-tight African dictators. The sins of sit-tight dictators are often visited on their collaborators and even progeny that is why I doff my hat to Malawi president whose distaste for Sudanese president Omar el Bashir has necessitated the canceling of an African union summit due tohold in Blantyre, Malawi and its shifting elsewhere. An international criminal court warrant hangs over the head of Bashir. When a leader does not need the feelings of the people he suffers setbacks like Bashir and Togolese president, Faure Eyadema. There was a violent clash between troops and opposition supporters in Togo over the new electoral law. The opposition wants the law reversed. But Cameroonians swallow everything. As earlier hinted the sins of a dictator are visited on his collaborators. Proof is what is happening in Egypt. Court is to rule whether Mubarack’s PM will take part in the presidential run-off or not. If this happens, then Muhamed Mosse, Moslem brotherhood candidate poised to win the second round will surely stand unopposed. Are supreme courts in African countries really supreme? If not in the Cameroons, then elsewhere. The supreme court ruled that Mubarack’s ex-PM was eligible to stand for the second round of presidential elections. In Libya the supreme constitutional court ruled against an appeal of Law no.37 which criminalizes the glorification of Muammar Gaddafi as well as any attack that ensued in the February revolt that led to Gaddafi’s eventual overthrow. One thing we should understand about life is that what goes around, comes around. President Zine Ben Ali, former Tunisian president is an exile in Saudi Arabia but a life jail and 20 year sentence respectively, have been passed against him by the military during the upsurge of renewed disorder in Tunisia. He was sentenced for the killings that took place in Tunisia at the onset of the Arab spring that kicked off in Tunisia. I hear the renewed disorder is caused by Al Qaeda. Iraq, even 9 years after the overthrow of Saddam is not yet at peace. Shame to you! Explosion recently rocked Iraq in several places in the Shilte are being the first great disaster since the pullout of yankee troops. Shilte PM, Maliki has been accused of dominating power. Kudos Goodluck Jonathan. State governors say they have uncovered corruption in the states of Bauchi and Niger. Governors have over 200 advisers who exist only on paper but are paid through bank accounts.

And now, our waning sports. Alexander Song recently escaped lynching along Yaounde’s streets following the poor performance of the Lions at the onset of the 2014 world cup preliminaries and his quarrel with Eto’o. Iya Mohamed risks being the next target. The poor outing of the Lions will cost Denis Lavagne, its coach his job. A few weeks after the signing of his contract, the Lions were defeated because Eto’o’s absence renders the Lions spineless. You can now understand why Lavagne demanded advance payment of his salary. H is days as coach are numbered. See you next week.